Decision tester

05.01.2019

I sit in Cabana (Jo works here) like so often in the last days. The kids enjoying the pool, having fun and I have time to write and share my fears from the past weeks

The 22nd of December the Volcano Krakatau Anak erupted and a landslide triggered a small tsunami. Small is relative, around 500 people died and loads of people got injured. Nevertheless Jo left to Jakarta on the 25th and I heard in my first night alone back home some big bengs. I didn’t pay to much attention, cause I’ve been busy with my phone waiting for a signal and I heard them earlier already. After felt 50 times trying to get connected with my phone provider I gave up and went to sleep.
Next day on the local market my phone rung. I picked up and Jo said, that he tried to get in touch with me last night. I directly have to get our most important stuff in the car and have to be ready to evacuate, cause the volcano erupted again.”Oooookay..” I thought.

Only on the way home his words got through and when I arrived in our village somehow a kind of panic grabbed me. So I packed pretty fast our most important stuff and threw it into the car. When I let myself fell into the car seat, the other German from this area arrived to visit me. After half an hour discussion, I’ve been a bit more relaxed. But still I left the village with Tippi on board. Everyone else I left behind with the idea they will survive on their own.
So we drove to the Airport in Krui which is 200 m above the sea level and had been recommended by Jo. We checked out our place for the night and spent the rest of the day in German company at PalmbeachKrui (5 min far away from our safe place).

Sleeping well is something else, but we survived in many ways. Next day we drove back home in our village after spending the morning at PalmbeachKrui again.
Our chicks, the rabbits and our cat were happy to have us back? Or just to get food, however I still wasn’t me. At least Jo wanted to come back home the same night and all my phones were charged with power and money so we could at least get warned.
Back home I started to build a better bed for the car and filled up missing things. I was busy and had not much time for reflecting the unbearable silence of our village and listening to the voices in my head.

Then Jo was back again and after a long talk at the beach I could release more and more my fears. Still I didn’t wanted to be alone at home with the kids. Being alone in charge for the survival for all of us in a known and jet unknown world wasn’t very convincing. So we ended up in Cabana for the rest of the year. It wasn’t a real ending up, more like being close to Jo and looking for deflection. The garden around the restaurant was for me from the beginning a pity to look at. So I offered me and myself helping and creating a appropriate landscape which was gladly accepted. Such a wonderful distraction…


And jeah, so far no one complained about my creative gush which I love to look at.
And then one day I was driving around looking for plants and the sun was in her afternoon moments where the light is always a special delight and I looked at the surrounding and thought: what a splendid piece of earth, a place to die for. And tears dripped my cheek down like so often the days before..

And now I sit here, the sun is shining like nothing happen, I still have
chicken skin but I don’t want to leave. I would love to leave the fear behind and run away from danger but somehow I’m caught in my love to this patch of earth, even the decision to build and start here our future is a bit shaky at the moment.

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